Even though my life is full of people—family who love me, cherished dogs, friends, and colleagues—I’ve come to realize how essential meaningful connection really is. Not just being around others, but moments of genuine presence—the kind that make you feel seen, supported, and whole. I notice this most when I travel—for work, church, or other projects—because that’s often when the absence of connection feels like a sudden, blaring silence—impossible to ignore.
What I’ve discovered through these experiences mirrors what researchers have been documenting: our relationships don’t just make us feel good—they’re as vital to our wellbeing as exercise and proper nutrition. When we’re disconnected from our support networks, even temporarily, we’re not just missing emotional comfort; we’re actually impacting our physical and mental health in measurable ways.
The Paradox of Crowded Loneliness
Even with a full life and loving relationships, I still feel an unavoidable kind of loneliness when I travel. Despite being, literally, surrounded by crowds—people rushing through airports, gathering at conferences, packed into transit—I often feel strangely disconnected. There’s something about being away from the familiar that makes the presence of strangers feel even more distant. I can be shoulder to shoulder with others and still feel completely alone, as if I’m drifting through these busy spaces without truly being seen.
This experience captures something profound about our modern era: we live in the most hyper-connected time in history, yet genuine connection feels increasingly elusive. We can instantly reach anyone, anywhere, but somehow still find ourselves isolated in crowds. It’s the difference between being networked and being known—between functional interactions and authentic presence.
It’s not the dramatic kind of loneliness you might expect. During the day, I might see people I “know,” attend meetings, share coffee and conversation, even enjoy the company. And in those moments, I genuinely feel okay—sometimes even great. But when the day winds down and I return to my hotel room, that sense of isolation can return. The space feels too quiet. I even find myself turning on the television, just for noise. The city outside the window feels far away. And despite all the people in my life, I still feel alone in that moment.
I’ve realized it’s not about lacking connection—it’s about being removed from it. When we travel, even temporarily, we’re pulled out of an environment where our support system is easily within reach. Even if you don’t consciously recognize it, just the fact of their presence is support in itself. So, any disconnection, even if just for a few nights, can weigh heavily.
This temporary displacement reveals how much we rely on the invisible network of familiar connections that surround us daily. It’s not just about having people to talk to—it’s about existing within a web of relationships that provide context, continuity, and quiet reassurance. When that web is suddenly absent, we feel the full weight of what connection actually provides: a sense of belonging that goes far deeper than conversation.
Why Do Our Connections Matter More Than We Think?
What I’ve learned through both research and personal experience is that meaningful relationships serve as more than emotional support—they’re protective factors that help us navigate life’s challenges. When we have authentic connections, we’re better equipped to handle stress, more resilient in difficult times, and more open to growth and new perspectives. This isn’t just feel-good psychology; it’s measurable impact on our capacity to thrive.
The workplace offers a particularly interesting lens for understanding this. When we feel genuinely connected to colleagues—not just professionally networked, but authentically seen and valued—it transforms our entire work experience. We perform better, stay longer, and contribute more creatively. But this requires moving beyond surface-level networking toward relationships that acknowledge our full humanity, not just our professional roles.
Building Intentional Community
That’s why I believe so strongly in building an intentional community—for everyone. Whether you’re traveling, in a life transition, or just looking to build or rebuild your support system. Even if you don’t feel like talking, just being there—sharing the same space, hearing or seeing other people who are also there to connect—can be enough. Even virtually. It’s a very different experience from being surrounded by people who are just trying to get to their destination or get through their day.
The key distinction is intentionality. So much of modern “connectivity” focuses on being seen as part of a group rather than genuinely knowing and being known by others. We optimize for appearances, for status, for the symbols of connection rather than its substance. But authentic community happens when we prioritize presence over productivity, when we allow relationships to develop naturally rather than forcing them into predetermined outcomes.
At Tenrikyo North Honolulu Church, we want to make room for those kinds of connections. Not just for the extroverts or the locals, but for anyone feeling a little out of place—even if only for a night. Whether it’s through personal gatherings, scrolling through our feeds, posting, or simply being present. Because sometimes, all it takes is one shared moment to feel human again. And just your presence—no matter how quiet—is a contribution.
